Beyond church

Being a Christian while not going to church - 9 April 2008 (John)

During the past year I found myself playing down the fact that I no longer go to “church”¹, initially because I had my own uncertainties about it, and later because of all the assumptions people make, such as thinking I must be hurt or offended or something. Lately however I’ve been surprised at my own responses. I’ve found myself saying things like “Oh yes, I’m right outside the church these days, and it’s really awesome”.

There are so many different reasons why people stop going to church that “Christians who don’t go to church” couldn’t actually be made into a group of any kind. The reality is that some people don’t go to church because they are backslidden, are losing their faith, have had bad experiences, or whatever. In my case I just felt forced out by my own conscience. I would even say that I felt led out by God. I’m not saying that it’s all terrible because it’s not, but after fourteen years of struggling to discern the pure Christian message from among a rather mixed bag of preaching, teaching and church practice, I could no longer hack all the worldly compromise. At the same time I didn’t want to just lock myself down into one of the groups that saw safety in re-producing the past. In my heart I felt that there must be a way to allow God to do something fresh and new that could connect to the present without being mixed with a worldly spirit.

You know, the scary thing about leaving something is that you sometimes fear the replacement will be nothing. I knew I would keep leading and teaching my family, and interacting with other Christians one-on-one, but I didn’t really like the idea of becoming a recluse from the wider Christian community. Instead though, the opposite has ended up happening. I've started interacting with the Christian community far more widely than ever before. This has been deeply rewarding and at times quite challenging. As soon as you step outside your own Christian circles you are of course confronted with different ideas. You can then choose to simply reject everything new outright, or engage in an honest process of reexamination. Whatever the eventual outcome of reexamining one's own beliefs, the process can feel quite unsettling. Nevertheless, I realised in the middle of some of the more unsettled times that as long as the bible was my firm standard then the process would only be healthy, humbling and enriching. Ultimately I have come to understand new perspectives; some of which I accept, some I reject (knowing clearly why), and others are sort of in limbo because I'm not quite sure either way.

I should stop and explain at this point that a big catalyst behind much of this wider interaction has been moving into a Christian work environment with a boss who is passionate about integrating secular and religious life. It actually took me months to really grasp the meaning of this since I was so used to separating my “tent making” from my “work for God”. I was actually suspicious of integrating the two, mistaking his approach at times for some kind of prosperity doctrine. But I’ve come to really appreciate that we need to walk with God and be as fully Christian in our work as in our ministry. God does not want us putting him on the shelf then dust him off when it suits. I can’t yet define this integration very well, but I know it includes things like being deeply honest to our true values, being open about our faith and praying though work issues just as we would ministry or family ones. After all, I think to myself that the Apostle Paul surely didn’t stop being the Apostle Paul when he was making tents. This openness leads to quite natural witnessing to non-Christians and some really neat interaction with Christians we’ve met from a whole diverse array of church backgrounds. The biggest highlights have been when we have taken these relationships formed through work and brought them outside of work in the form of retreats, dinners, after hours phone conversations or whatever.

This wider experience has further kindled the heart I'd already developed for ecumenical fellowship over the last five years attending a non-denominational bible study. The thing I found in the bible study was that we argued and wrestled, sometimes felt close, sometimes felt annoyed with each other, but we slowly came closer together on some issues and simply came to accept and understand the differences on others. Most importantly a spirit of closeness in the Lord developed despite our different views on some things. This is what I like to call “non-political ecumenicalism”, and I sense that God loves it. There's another interesting side effect of this too, which is that it breaks down the normal conformist spirit that is semi-unavoidable in homogeneous church groups.

Now, while I’m finding newfound freedom and adventure outside the church, let me admit openly that I do still have a desire to meet for regular corporate worship and teaching. Right now the door to this hasn’t opened yet, and when it does I have no idea what what form it will take. So far a lot of my fellowship is with people who also go to various churches and I don't really want to actively get in the way of that. Maybe God will just continue to lead into other less formalised and ad-hoc meet up's. Frankly I have to admit these days that I have no idea what God is doing; only that I keep reflecting and saying "You sure are doing something Lord, I don't know what it is, but I know it's good".

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